The necessity of friendship breakups.

 Wow. I never thought I’d reach this place, where I recognise that the majority of my friendships may only last seasonally. 

I observe that many of us live (or have lived) under the narrative that we must be friends with people who agree with us or understand us. It seems rational to desire this, as we tend to gravitate towards people who look like us or have the same interests as us. I typically am accustomed to befriending fellow creatives or people who have experienced similar traumas to me and this has had its obvious benefits but often had its cons.


I have certainly grown in zeal and deeper understanding when I have been in friendships with people in the above criteria, yet in the grand scheme of things feel as if I have boxed myself in at times. In some seasons, I have found myself to be highly neurotic, constantly singing and playing the keyboard, dressing fashionably and simultaneously neglecting my intellectual mind.  I have been in circles that have been more interested in feeling and intuition rather than reason. Whilst I see the value in the former traits, I increasingly find more peace and fulfilment when it comes to acting within reason.


As I have ventured into a kaleidoscopic  world, I have left many friendships behind. Many by choice and some out of neglect. I’ve allowed myself to dive into waters deep, in the thorough pursuit to live an authentic and rich life. I have bypassed the laws of organised religion by means of becoming a critical thinker and I have wholeheartedly chosen to take full ownership over my life. 


I no longer morph myself into a icondule, I accept my current stance of iconoclasm. I’d rather be an individual who sincerely exercises their will than give it over for someone else's gratification.


I will continue to embrace necessary endings in pursuit of new beginnings.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

I wish I didn’t confess my sexual ‘sin’.

  I remember being taught to confess my sins, yet when I did it always bit me in the nyash. So I became deceitful and when the truth came out, I used to lie or water it down. Otherwise I’d experience condemnation. I can’t believe I was suicidal because I liked sex. Upon reflection I wasn’t enacting a holy ideal, though I was aiming towards love.  They say God and faith is an antidote to sin yet I feel that Christianity made me sick.   I remember losing my virginity at 14, whilst my parents were away at a funeral in Ireland. I didn’t plan to. I was all alone and believed a guy, that I had only spoke to once on Snapchat, when he said he loved me.  Of course he didn’t. He said to me sweet nothings and got back with his ex after using me. I resent the fact that I was so naive. But perhaps, the seeds of low-self esteem where starting to sprout in the form of sexual curiosity. After I lost my virginity, I changed completely. I told no one besides my two non-religious ...
Read more

My Perinatal Experience of Homelessness

My Perinatal Experience of Homelessness I was homeless and pregnant.  I grew up in numerous different houses that were vibrant, big and never void of basic necessities. My parents are the epitome of hard-working and I have thus far never gone without food under their care. Despite the privileges that I was immersed in growing up, in 2019 I was more than eager to start my journey away from home in the city of Birmingham. As someone who had grown up in relatively rural areas, I wanted to experience urban life on the quest to expand my life experience. Back then I didn’t know what drove my explorative desire, yet now I know that it was driven by my 98% openness to experience (one of the big 5 personality traits).  During my time away, I found the world to be a fountain of both wisdom and folly. In the first year of University, my hall of residence felt more like the Devil’s Playground than a safety haven. I underestimated how much of a challenge it would be to live healthily in a...
Read more

When the opposite-sex are branded as aliens.

Religious PR is overzealous to say the least. So effective that one can be conditioned to fear merely talking to the opposite sex. A few months ago, Josiah and I stopped off at a service station on the M4 on the way to London. I am grossly interested in self-expression and how it manifests in social settings. I noticed a group of four men with two of their sons, all clothed in the most pristinely cut blue shirt, grey suit trousers and the cleanest haircuts with fades. In my ignorance and simultaneous anxiety, I initiated an inquiry with these men. I said "You are all looking very sharp, have you got a wedding?". They continued to face the Mcdonalds counter and gave me brash responses. In my attempt to avoid further misogyny, I invited Josiah over to chat and in response to this questioning they told him they were apart of a very exclusive religious group (the name has slipped my mind but that is probably a good thing) and were on their way back from a bible conference. They a...
Read more