My Perinatal Experience of Homelessness

My Perinatal Experience of Homelessness

I was homeless and pregnant. 

I grew up in numerous different houses that were vibrant, big and never void of basic necessities. My parents are the epitome of hard-working and I have thus far never gone without food under their care. Despite the privileges that I was immersed in growing up, in 2019 I was more than eager to start my journey away from home in the city of Birmingham. As someone who had grown up in relatively rural areas, I wanted to experience urban life on the quest to expand my life experience. Back then I didn’t know what drove my explorative desire, yet now I know that it was driven by my 98% openness to experience (one of the big 5 personality traits). 

During my time away, I found the world to be a fountain of both wisdom and folly. In the first year of University, my hall of residence felt more like the Devil’s Playground than a safety haven. I underestimated how much of a challenge it would be to live healthily in a world of new possibilities. I could make friends with people from all over the country and the world, I could behave how I wanted to without any parameters and ultimately create my own home environment.  

They say home is where the heart is and I found instead of nurturing my inner home, that  I would frequently evacuate and search for a home in other foreign places. I tried living in the arms of guys I met on Tinder, Bumble or Salt. I found refuge in displaying a variety of empty alcohol bottles right above my bookshelf. I floated from social groups that I met when I was going out all in the rabid attempt to find a safehouse. This unstable search for emotional safety, meant that my physical safety became secondary. It seems reasonable to conclude that the past years of struggling to maintain mutual respect and love from my acquaintances, peers or family members led to my greater investment in my emotional wellbeing as opposed to my everyday domain.

Skipping forward to 2022, in August I was eager to follow through with my plans to live with Josiah, despite the several social obstacles that operated to delay us from getting legally married. For a while, due to a significant increase in my individuality, I wanted to live in a space that was mostly conducive to my holistic freedom. It no longer made sense for me to return my family home after studying in Birmingham. When I completed my Law Degree I moved out of what I considered a lavish apartment, which was in the city centre of Birmingham. 

I then moved into Josiah’s family house, merely because he was my home. I had finally found a man who was a port in my storm of emotional suffering. I knew in my soul that I would endure forever with him and that we would pursue a lifestyle of stability as individuals and home-creators. I remember saying to myself that I would live under a bridge and be physically homeless with him as he was my hiding place. Little did I know that a month later we would both be asked to leave his family home by reason of differing religious belief systems (we weren’t yet married and were essentially cohabiting in legal terms).

This of course was a shock to my system as I hoped to continue pushing past the imposter syndrome and relational trauma to fit into his family home authentically and peaceably, but I wasn’t extended the opportunity to do so. Despite this, I found peace in the fact that it would be me and him paving a path to our own residence on our own terms rather than external influences. 

We were kindly allowed to stay at my friend's beautiful family cottage in Berkshire, whilst they went on holiday to Morocco. It was two weeks of brainstorming where we would live next. We bonded, hibernated, consumed lots of food from the Co-op and even more exciting found out that we were pregnant! It was a beautiful time yet simultaneously frightening as we had just been asked to leave his family home. We returned and over a span of a few days told his family we were expecting. We were consequently allowed to stay but again there were factors that significantly affected our holistic freedom as a couple and even more so parents to be, so we had to leave. This is when statutory homelessness began. 

Why were we homeless? Well Josiah had unfortunately taken a sabbatical from his PGCE teaching course at the University of Oxford until 2023 after he was in expectation of receiving another hip implant (he has a rare genetic condition called MPS type 4a, which means his bones are degrading thus affecting his hips). However, his operation which was scheduled for July 2022, was rendered an administrative mistake after he had a consultation with the doctor who he thought was operating on him ( the doctor had no idea!).  This meant that his plans to be a qualified teacher ready to teach in September 2022, were drastically delayed in vain because in the end he didn’t have the operation!

 As you can imagine, this unforeseen course of events caused a financial  obstacle in us establishing our own home as a legally married couple as we had prioritised his health over the completion of his course.  Simultaneously, I had just completed my degree in August 2022, and though I was applying to various jobs my success rate was quite low. 

We were pregnant and unable to fend for ourselves as unemployed individuals who had not conformed to the Christian ideals of marriage or parenthood. It was really really tough. In all honesty, I applied the pressure for us to leave Josiah’s family home in the pursuit of more individualism with the intention of us building our own home. He found this pressure extremely difficult yet he kept his vows of staying and moving forward with me as his wife in equity ( we made a covenant of our union before God in prayer and also in writing, so we consider ourselves married but not yet legally) and we went into emergency accommodation provided by Bromley Council. 

The emergency accommodation was for a few days, whilst we awaited the government to sort out our temporary accommodation (the place where we would stay until we were permanently placed in a home). The first days felt bliss and free, we were away from the expectations of our families and believed we saw better ahead in terms of our lifestyle. I guess we couldn’t have been further from wrong. 

We were placed in temporary accommodation in Orpington and it was atrocious living. Imagine being in your first trimester, in a residence where you shared a bathroom and kitchen with about 20 people. Imagine inhaling the fumes of cannabis and tobacco in your room when you were trying to peacefully embrace your loved one and nurture a baby in your stomach. Imagine having no network or internet at the time you need it the most. Imagine your heaters in your bedroom packed with dust. Imagine spider webs everywhere. Imagine being in an interabled relationship and seeing that your husband’s disability is not being facilitated. That was our experience from November 2022 onwards up until late January 2023. Luckily, my law degree enabled me to exercise the formality of writing emails of complaints with regards to the lack of suitability of our accommodation. Despite my persistent communication to the council, our concerns were ignored and we continued to live in a place which was significantly affecting our holistic health. 

Whenever we had left the residence, visited our family friends or gone out for some fresh air I searched and searched for somewhere on the ground floor with a walk-in shower for us to live but it was incredibly hard to find affordable and accessible accommodation for me, Josiah and our unborn baby. You may be asking where the support was from our families, but the truth is they wouldn’t support us as a unit, they wanted us to live separately until we were legally married. Me and Josiah saw ourselves as married and prioritised our living situation over the intense pressure of having a grandiose wedding because it is just what made sense to us. This didn’t align with the values of our homes of origin so essentially we chose our own authentic approach which of course cost us socially and financially but as mentioned we considered our well being of utmost importance. 

It was one of our new friends birthday and after a petition from our close friend, she allowed us to stay in her beautiful one bedroom apartment in London whilst she was away in Uganda for a month. She and her mother graciously allowed us to live there rent-free and it was honestly so healing for us. We found a place to temporarily call home as a result of their love. That was a month away from that terrible room provided by the council and we remain ever so grateful.  

After the month finished we had to return to the unsuitable accommodation, as the council had still not responded to our concerns. It took me breaking down in the Maternity Assessment Unit at Princess Royal Hospital in Orpington , then being sent to A&E for a mental health assessment. It was concluded by the psychiatrist that I had very mild mental health issues as a result of social and living reasons so the council was pressured to rehouse us, especially due to our vulnerable states. At the time, we jumped at the housing opportunity though it was in Wolverhampton literally hours away from our network. In hindsight, it feels as if it was more negligence, but again we had somewhere more appropriate to live and that is what we needed in my second trimester and even more so again for our basic living rights.

We drove to our newly allocated accommodation in Wolverhampton after I spent the night and day in the hospital, recovering from my distress in Late January of 2023. We arrived at night and were relieved to see that it was ground-floor and had a walk-in shower. It was certainly an upgrade from our prior temporary accommodation as it was not shared, we had our own apartment. However, we had to go to a 24/7 Asdas, to do a shop in attempt to clean and hoover the apartment as the walls and carpets were entrenched with tobacco, which was incredibly unsafe for any human let alone one who was pregnant and one who was recovering from smoke damage caused by the prior accommodation.  We flagged up these issues and most were resolved besides the second-hand smoke issues. 

We found that the living room was fine so we moved the mattress from the bed in the smoky bedroom and spent weeks on the floor there awaiting a response from the lettings agency. We had requested for the carpets to be changed and it turns out that the landlord refused to change them and served us a notice in March. This was absolutely distressing as we had finally started to integrate into the local church community and were drawing closer to my Late April due date. I was in my third trimester, and our living situation had deteriorated even more. 

At this point, though Josiah’s placement had been delayed to the beginning of 2023, our unstable living situation meant that he would only be able to start his course once he had stable accommodation, preferably back in Oxford. Given that we had no idea where we would be rehoused next (the council weren’t communicating with us sufficiently though they had a duty to house us), we decided that we would find Josiah somewhere private to stay in Oxford so he could finish his course, whilst I went to my family house for the last few weeks of my pregnancy. This was definitely not ideal and was our last resort as we wanted to stay together, but we had to do this for long-term reasons. 

I remember leaving the apartment in Wolverhampton and finding Josiah appropriate accommodation in Oxfordshire in the spare room of which he moved into on the same day we viewed it. Fortunately, proceedings from the sale of my  car (which was auctioned due to poor administration of fines on my part) had enabled us to pay his first month of rent and deposit. He dropped me at my original family home and after weeks of trying to live peaceably in preparation for my labour,  I couldn’t stomach being away from Josiah’s support. He wasn’t (and till this day) allowed to enter my family house until he had paid Lobola (which is the equivalent to a dowry in Zimbabwean Shona Culture). I struggled with this severely and whilst living at my family home found it best for me to apply to a charity that supported Mums and babies by housing them. Fortunately, after an interview and assessment regarding my case, I was housed in a Mum and Baby Home very close to Josiah’s new accommodation, meaning we could see each other more freely. 

This felt like the best next step, as I was in a place I felt emotionally safe and one intended to support me in both the delivery and postpartum phase. It meant that I could access support from my own terms but this was not  void of challenges. Notably it was hard as the Mum and Baby home didn’t allow for overnight visitors meaning I had to look after my newborn baby girl mostly by myself after having an emergency c-section (it was so tough!). Despite this Josiah had started his final placement at the University of Oxford so that he could become a qualified teacher and took the full statutory amount of paternity leave to look after  me and baby. I honestly could not have done it without him. He did so much; watched her when I had been suffering from sleep deprivation, cooked for me, administered my blood thinner injections and so much more. Yet it was very challenging for him. The Mum and Baby Home was by no means Disability friendly, and though he struggles with chronic pain he would literally deteriorate in his condition to make sure he was supporting us.

I still had to recover from my c-section and was offered help by my family to come home and be looked after in June 2023. I went there and received a considerable amount of help. My recovery really expedited because of this and I am so grateful for each and every family member’s service. Once I had reached a place of greater health, due to my continued need for holistic stability (notably emotionally) I chose to leave. I returned to my Mum and Baby home but had gotten increasingly tired of being away from the port in my storm (my beloved husband Josiah). He was away at war so to speak, finishing his course.

Once he finished late early July Josiah, Aliyah (our newborn baby girl) and I spent a few nights at Josiah’s as a family. Aliyah and I were due to return to the Mum and Baby Home but upon request, Josiah’s landlord kindly allowed us to reside at Josiah’s accommodation for the remainder of his contract in response to Josiah’s offer of the deposit. 

Since the  beginning of this month, we have finally been spending time as a new family, dreaming and planning for the future. As I type, I may have to surrender my room at the Mum and Baby Home as I have barely been there (I have been at home with my family) and someone else arguably needs it more than me. However, Josiah and I are searching and have no idea where we will live next. We believe we are leaving the wilderness and approaching the Promise land. Hopefully, the next time I write on this matter we will be permanently housed.

 

Vannessa Viljoen x