Turn your Trauma into Art

 It's 2024 and I pray with all of my atheist mind that we LEAVE the cheap accusations of trauma-dumping in the past. 

What is trauma-dumping? Well, I am sure you've felt drained after speaking to a family member, friend, a drunk person or a stranger after they shared their heavy sob story at length without your permission. This is one form of trauma-dumping and in all honesty it's inevitable. It's a dog eat dog world out there and we are all fucking lonely. Our window of tolerance seems to grow smaller and smaller because the world is changing at such a rapid pace. It's hard to slow down. We all like to speak and it's a rarity to find someone who will truly listen. So I can understand those (including myself) who shoot all of their trauma diarrhoea at anyone who shows them attention. 

I feel conflicted as I am writing this because I am a HUGE advocate for boundaries and enabling safe spaces by considering the other person's emotional state before sharing. But I can't help thinking that we have to deal with the cause of trauma-dumping before we continue to shame people for it. 

I mean professionals and people who really study trauma have such grace when they discuss it. They understand the devastating impact that it can have on an individual and think that those emotions should be given space to come out. I am so hear for this because our body keeps the score and if we don't express our emotions they essentially become a part of our essence.

For me, I have battled with depression, anxiety and PTSD. I have thankfully trodden on the stigma of anti-depressants and they have enabled me to not internalise and become one with my suicidal ideation and dark thinking. They were the first significant part of my ongoing treatment and before taking this step I characterised myself as an 'overthinker, cynical and shy' person. When really my trauma was fucking eating me up because we all know I am so fucking extraverted.

I used to be a Brand ambassador for emotional repression and fakeness. I would be going through HELL and giving my body away to devouring characters and you would not be able to tell at all. Like shit - my parents couldn't even tell. The list of successes are too long to even do - but all of my trauma bit me in my nyash when I started University in 2019. 

I'll have to give a trigger warning here as I am about to write about sexual abuse. So stop reading if you need to. 

In Summer 2019, I started having a series of really dark nightmares and increased sleep paralysis. The most horrific experience I have was being r*ped by what some may call a demon or perhaps the reliving of my trauma. I had buried all of my experiences of sexual assault and categorised them of figments of my imagination.  I didn't want to but I was forced into facing these parts that I had buried away out of survival.

I spent majority of my life escaping through academia, dance, sex, rugby, writing, singing and so much more. I'd built up several mountains of trauma that I only started to process when I turned 18 (I am now 22 turning 23 in 3 weeks).

I started to write poetry, create content and because I felt alone I started to share my experiences and emotions. It was fucking scary and met with great resistance. 

I mean I was sharing my vulnerabilities, my sob stories and things that threatened this well-managed and pristine reputation.

I lost people in this process. My vulnerability and 'over-sharing' was too much but luckily I had found and engaged with people who were pioneering authenticity in the respective fields of influence.

Tired of carrying the weight of all my trauma - I started using my voice. I remember vividily my conviction to share my authentic life experiences as things happened grew after I read a quote from Mama Maya Angelou:

"There is no greater burden than carrying an untold story inside of you."

I felt that. I had so many that I still deem it as a HUGE testament to my character that I am alive and thriving today.

This isn't a how to avoid trauma guide or how to hide away. It's a stern encouragement. I urge you to process your trauma in art forms. Whether it's a poem, song, art piece, podcast episode, dance choreography, photography, acting. Whatever tickles your likkle pickle. 

It's liberating. You don't have to be stupid and share it with everyone like I have deliberately chosen to (bare in mind I don't actually share it all lool). 

Do it for yourself. Be the one in your friend group, household or workplace to actually be fucking real. The first one to admit that you are fucking human - experience chaos and order alike. 

It's how I've found immense meaning. I am not better than you or any other person. I also feel the ugly and do the ugly.

I could write on and on but I need to pee and make myself another tea. Can you believe I am writing and sharing this at 4am? 

TURN YOUR TRAUMA INTO FUCKING ART.

I LOVE YOU. 

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


If you are severely struggling with your mental health please contact a medical professional. This could be your GP or qualified counsellor/therapist. I have also attached some resources too below.

https://www.mind.org.uk/about-us/local-minds/ 

https://www.youngminds.org.uk/

https://www.themix.org.uk/

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