The Grief of A Forsaken Wife.

 I wonder if there would be someone out there that would think that having me is enough.

Perhaps there is a well-aged gentleman out there, who has tasted and seen of the sweetest things but still deems me to be the holy grail.

A grounded man who appreciates all that I have sacrificed and cut away to build us a better future.

One who has devoted their remaining years for the betterment of their soul.

My husband doesn't seem to be. I think he’d rather sit in the shackles of his past and what he didn’t have or experience. I think he will spend more time mourning than appreciating all that he has now.

I feel like living with him is like forcing myself to sit in a graveyard. There are some times where we leave it and see the living people but we often make it back to the garden of tombstones.

I prayed for a man who would be devoted to me with the help of God. But now I am Godless and I feel like abandoning this forced ‘arrangement’ and starting something new. But I am in my early 50s and it feels too late.

But I have so many children with this man I love. I don’t want them to ever feel the way I do as I write.

I feel like the token housemaid, not rewarded for her daily labour. Forsaken in the shadow of the free-spirited women who shine outside her beautiful home.

He was supposed to be my home but now I question if I picked my residence in a place of eternal safety me.

Perhaps that home doesn’t exist and it was just a figment of my imagination, also creating a place to escape to….that place being a man.

Nevertheless it’s too late, because our kids will have grandchildren soon.

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